When Children Leave Home

If Children Never Leave
They Cease To Grow

A while back we put our second son, Timothy, on the plane to the USA from South Africa. We had done this before but this time it was different. Previously there had always been a date he would return “home” and the time away wouldn’t be that long, six weeks at the most. This time, however, he was returning to the States for at least six months and if all went well he would settle there for good. At the time, these were not easy thoughts to entertain.

Timothy was certainly ready for this move. We were behind him completely and had confidence he would do well but it was still a very big step. He was going to the country in which he was born but in which he had lived for only a short time. He was a citizen of the US but not a native. He started with no definite job and only a very small amount of “get by” money. He had a car, which was graciously given him but had very little experience driving and maintaining a car in the States. He had no definite long-term place to stay and he was mostly a stranger to the city in which he planned to settle initially, Nashville.

Fortunately, he was very qualified in two ways: he possessed a Masters degree in biotechnology and he could write songs, sing and play guitar better than average (actually quite well!!). He enjoyed biotech but music was his passion.

He traveled with a credible diploma in one hand and a properly recorded CD in the other. He planned to try his luck with the music industry and investigate biotech jobs at the same time. And, he was willing to do a bit of scrub work until he could take a definite direction. He had to make several strategic decisions when he arrived.

All of these things together can make any person a bit nervous. The transition can be made but there are pitfalls. Everyone makes mistakes (even Tim – only a few) and that can frustrate a perfectly laid plan. As a parent I thought, what advice can I give, not just generally but appropriate for his situation and this move? And, how can I say it all concisely. Long wordy statements are boring and the meaning is usually lost in the time it takes to read it. After a bit of thinking I came up with the following pithy statements:

Keep right (on the road – you are in the USA not South Africa)
Keep a moderate pace (plan your time, don’t hurry – haste makes waste – developments take time)
Keep control (watch your money daily – live down at least for a while)
Keep your name (don’t accumulate debt)
Keep your balance (spend a little money sometimes and save a little always)
Keep a positive outlook (don’t let frustration or worry rule you)
Keep a cautious approach (don’t make impulsive decisions – study and think before you decide)
Keep listening (ask questions – don’t argue – don’t be defensive)
Keep your soul (don’t take the first bio-tech job offered)
Keep busy (find some kind of job right away)
Keep writing (thoughts, songs, web page, etc.)
Keep singing (you have an amazing gift)
Keep in touch (contact everyone – Skype, email – Mom & Dad enjoy hearing from you)
Keep learning (you will never know everything)
Keep organized (if it needs to be done do it now)
Keep your distance (be civil to all, serve as many as you can but be committed to only a few – you’re not Got)
Keep changing (no one has arrived yet)
Keep praying (God is listening)
Keep secure (never forget we love you)
Keep believing (your music is powerful)
Keep focused (visualize where you want to go and do something every day to move in that direction)
Keep trying (every winner works through mistakes, failures and upsets)
Keep right (think it every day, every time you get in the car – we won’t be there to remind you what side of the road to drive on)

In a sense we kicked Timothy out of the nest but only in a good way. The “keep” phrases were just a few feathers to help him fly. More could have been written but by the time the list was finished he would be an old man writing to his children. The good news is, he navigated the transition well and continues to grow through the experience. It has been a great season in his life and ours. His parents grew also.

What do you THINK!AboutIt?