Our Most Frustrating Moments
Produce Our Greatest Vulnerabilities
And Our Deepest Insights
Did Abraham commit adultery?
Yes, sort of. He had conjugal relations with his wife’s handmaid, Hagar, who gave birth to his first child, Ishmael. It isn’t the worst case of adultery but adultery it was. Here are the facts:
Abraham, prompted by God, moved to Canaan from Haran when he was 75 years old. A part of the enticement to move was the promise that Abraham would become, not an average nation, but a great one, a tacit promise of children.
Abraham was 86 years old when Ishmael, his first child, was born. This was anything but usual. For the previous eight generations his predecessors began having children in their early 30’s. By normal standards, Abraham’s first child was fifty plus years late.
That means Abraham’s paternal instincts were already frustrated when he left for Canaan and it was eleven years later before he had his first child, which, unfortunately, was not the child God promised.
During his first years in Canaan he had several difficult experiences in which he demonstrated either great weakness or great strength. They shed light on the underside of his relationship with Sara.
Weakness
Shortly after arriving in Canaan he encountered famine and decided to leave for Egypt where he lied about Sara, saying she was his sister not his wife. He followed this strategy because he was afraid for his life, or so he said more than once.
Abraham knew that prominent kings took influential women into their harems at will, eliminating any husband that might get in the way. It was a good strategy if the “widowed” woman came with followers.
Abraham also knew that people groups would regularly exchange women who would become wives of the leaders. Diplomatic relations were maintained in that way. A prominent leader in one nation accepting a woman into his harem from another laid the foundation for peaceful relations between the two groups.
But, in light of the underlying circumstances, Abraham’s lie could have also been a veiled expression of disappointment with Sara since there were no children to prove they were husband and wife.
Pharaoh, the King of Egypt, did take Sara into his harem, but God intervened. Sara was returned to Abraham and they were all sent back to Canaan embarrassed but much wealthier. For Sara it had to be a painful experience. She was now shown to be barren publicly, on an international level.
Strength
After returning to Canaan Abraham and his nephew, Lot, had a conflict over the availability of grazing land for their herds. The situation was resolved by agreeing to separate and Abraham magnanimously allowed Lot to pick whichever area he wanted to inhabit first, taking whatever was left.
Strength
Lot eventually made his way into Sodom, which soon after was attacked by four confederate kings from the north. Four of Sodom’s sister cities were also attacked. The inhabitants were taken captive and the wealth of the cities was completely plundered.
Amazingly, Abraham with his personal militia of 318 men and two allied leaders counter attacked and retrieved all the people and stolen goods, returning them to Sodom.
Strength
After the rescue, Abraham made a point of publicly refusing any reward from Sodom, although he did give a tenth of all the goods to the local priest of God, Melchizedek.
There is an interesting set of inconsistencies in these events, which helps us understand his willingness to commit adultery. He showed great courage and faith in some ways and utter disbelief in others. He was horribly weak or incredibly strong. It doesn’t make sense.
He demonstrated great faith in traveling to Canaan but he consistently disrespects Sara. He had a hard time believing God could enable her to have children and for good reason. She had proven to be barren and her maternal mechanisms were diminishing quickly.
After acting cowardly in the face of Pharaoh, he courageously attacks and defeats an army that was easily larger than his own. Was he really a better militarist than a diplomat or was he harboring a sense of resentment toward Sara?
After placing Sara in a position of vulnerability, he was very generous to and protective of Lot. Strange that he is so forgiving, indulgent and helpful to Lot and so insensitive to Sara.
Through all of this, the one thing Abraham did well was honor God.
- He obediently traveled to Canaan, not knowing exactly where he was going.
- He returned to Canaan after leaving Egypt, which required a certain degree of humility.
- As an expression of his commitment to God he refused any material gifts from the wicked city of Sodom and we know he wasn’t averse to receiving gifts from wealthy people.
- In giving a tenth of Sodom’s wealth to Melchizedek he endorsed what was later called the “tithe” as a universal principle.
- And in honor of his ancestor’s tradition, and God’s implied teaching, he did not run around looking for another wife. Shem, by the way, was still alive when Abraham moved into Canaan. Abraham might have felt him looking over his shoulder.
Since leaving Haran, Abraham had grown in wealth and prominence but his relationship with Sara was disintegrating. Still childless, he was getting exasperated and it wasn’t long till he had the chance to say so. Down deep he blamed Sara and was building a grudge against God as well.
Some time after his battle, God met with Abraham and made an interesting statement. He said . . .
“Fear not, Abram: I am your shield (protector), and your exceeding great reward (benefactor).” (Genesis 15:1)
And Abraham didn’t want to hear about it. His response shows a lot of attitude.
“O Lord GOD, what will you give me, for I continue childless, and the heir of my house is Eliezer of Damascus?…Behold, you have given me no offspring, and a member of my household will be my heir.” (Genesis 15:2-3)
The Bible doesn’t exactly say he is angry but reading between the lines you can feel the heat. Abraham wasn’t interested in protection or material wealth. He wanted children.
He also presented an interesting quandary. Was he to expect his chief servant, Eliezer, to be the anticipated heir? Was that the end of the story?
The interesting thing is, God absorbed the anger. He expected Abraham to react this way and was prepared for it. Following Abraham’s outburst God reassured him that he would, in fact, have a child of his own (out of his own loins) and provided some prophetic details about the future of his descendants.
We can learn a lesson here. Our greatest insights come during moments of frustration and anger. Our greatest vulnerability occurs during those times as well. And that brings us to Abraham’s adultery.
After this very special interchange with God, Abraham is still married to and faced with a barren and hurting wife and almost immediately following, she makes a suggestion he was in no emotional position to resist. Her idea? Take Hagar as a concubine and sire children by her.
In chapter 15 Abraham was frustrated, angry and made some outlandish suggestions. God knew he only needed reassurance and responded with patience, encouragement and insight.
In chapter 16 Sara was frustrated, angry and made an outlandish suggestion that she really didn’t want. She needed the same thing Abraham needed, reassurance and affirmation. Unfortunately, she didn’t get it.
What Sara suggested was not unusual. Having multiple wives particularly for the purpose of bearing kids was very customary in Abraham’s day. The idea ran counter to God’s original plan (one woman, one man, one lifetime) and Abraham was aware of this but after so long and so much he took the plunge.
It is actually a testament to his strength and character that he resisted this cultural trend for as long as he did.
But, what Abraham learned from this experience is that God never changes His mind or the rules. And to reinforce this point He said nothing more to Abraham for the next thirteen years.
Abraham had grown accustomed to God’s instruction in his life regularly and now there was nothing, for a very long time. The only voices were those of Sara and Hagar as they squabbled and fought over the affections of Abraham.
So, did Abraham commit adultery? Yes. Did he get away with it? Absolutely not! Can we sympathize with his dilemma? Yes.
Not only did God use a woman naturally barren, He also waited until her biological clock had stopped ticking completely before fulfilling the promise. Abraham faced a lot of problems during his life. This one was the most difficult to manage. But, the greatest source of doubt for Abraham, his barren wife, became the soil in which his faith grew the most.
Did Abraham learn his lesson? No question! If God could bring about the birth of a son by a woman who was in every way incapable of bearing children then Abraham had no problem believing God could raise that son from the dead should he be sacrificed later.
By the way, Abraham’s experience proves that adultery doesn’t have to be the death notice to a marriage. Recovery, though difficult, is possible.
It also proves that divorce is sometimes the only acceptable option. Sending Hagar away was nothing if it wasn’t divorce and it was a God-sanctioned decision. You can read about that here.
THINK!AboutIt
Thanks for a very good question Gilbert.
The Romans 4 text, particular verse 19, is referring specifically to the moment of conception not Abraham’s entire life. The complete verse reads:
Abraham was 100 and Sara was 90 and Isaac’s conception, though miraculous, still required normal conjugal relations. With the relationship turbulence that had gone before (remember, Hagar and Ishmael were still around) and obvious biological deterioration due to age (it is likely that Sara’s menstrual cycle had stopped), Abraham and Sara could both have faltered. But, instead, believing God they engaged in normal relations which resulted in a miraculous conception.
Therefore, we understand that Abraham became the father of faith not because he never faltered but because he never quit.
Why does Paul say that Abraham “…being not weak in faith, …” (Romans 4:19) and “[h]e staggered not at the promise of God…” (Romns 4:20), when it appears that Abraham doubted God by giving heed to his wife to take Hagar?
So much for family value ha.
There are several reasons I would argue that Abraham did not father children with more than three women and no more than one son before Isaac.
One, in Gen. 15 Abraham expressed frustration over not having any children and questioned God if Eliezer, his stewart, not his offspring was to become the heir. He clearly says God had given him no children (seed, offspring) and that couldn’t have been the case if there were other wives and children existing.
Two, the phrase “born in my house” refers to people born to families employed by Abraham. In Gen. 14 three hundred of these people were referred to as his private militia. That, of course, would suggest there were more than just three hundred in the “born in my house” category and for these people to be sired by Abraham he would have needed many wives, possibly hundreds. If he already had that many wives Hagar wouldn’t have been needed and siring children by her wouldn’t have been such a frictious situation, just another wife in a long line of many.
Three, men today have children as late as 90+ (Les Colley) and we don’t really know if there is a “sale by” date for the production of live sperm nor do we know what age that occurs if there is. And, given the difference in average life span between then and now, Abraham was the biological equivalent of approximately 60 years old when he fathered Isaac, no miracle there. The miracle was Sara conceiving and carrying a child to term, not only because of her age (her menstrual cycles had probably ceases, Gen. 18:11) but because she had been barren for so long. The phrase “as good as dead” can easily refer to the lateness of his age not inability to produce sperm and it was describing the appearance of the situation not scientific facts.
Four, if Abraham had fathered sons, other than Ishmael, before Isaac he would have had a much harder time giving the birthright to Isaac. It could have happened, to be sure, but there would have been a lot more to report. Joseph, by far not the firstborn, inherited the leadership of the family in his day but not easily and not without a lot of agitation. The story is long and rough. Not much is said about Isaac’s other brothers getting in the way or causing any problems. Why? Ishmael wasn’t the son of promise. The others were born after Isaac.
Five, when Abraham was buried there were only two sons who were mentioned as respected survivors, Ishmael and Isaac.
Six, I don’t doubt Abraham loved Ishmael, he was the fatherly type, but nowhere does it say he loved him more. It was Isaac who favored one child over the other and allowed that sentiment to cloud his judgment. Abraham grieved, not because he loved one more than the other but because Sara wanted Hagar and her offspring exiled. Abraham hesitated and probably prayed about this matter because he wanted to be certain. The last time he listened to Sara without thinking and praying Ishmael was born. He didn’t want to start any more wars.
Seventh, the Bible has always reported the pertinent facts freely, even when embarrassing (maybe we should say especially). As you mentioned, the polygamous status of other patriarchs and notable leaders is clearly stated (along with all the trouble it caused) but there is nothing said about Abraham having many concubines as you have suggested. And, it was precisely the one concubine mentioned, Hagar, that created all the problems.
Thanks for the visit and the comments.
“Then Abraham took Ishmael his son and all those born in his house or bought with his money, every male among the men of Abraham’s house, and he circumcised the flesh of their foreskins that very day, as God had said to him.”
Who are thes born in his household? Could they be: “But to the sons of his concubines Abraham gave gifts, and while he was still living he sent them away from his son Isaac, eastward to the east country.”
There is no reason to believe that the ones born in Abraham’s household are not, in some number, the issue of his own body.
A question that needs to be asked also is just when did Abraham take Keturah to be his wife. We remember that Sarah gave her handmaiden, Haggar, as a wife to Abraham. But where did Keturah come from and just when did she enter the picture? It is easier to suppose that Abraham had more than one wife, before Haggar. Also, it cannot be denied that he had concubines by whom he also had sons. But, Scripture tells us that he was as good as dead when Isaac was conceived and parallels him with Sarah, as unable to concieve children. Which most likely means that Keturah bore him children earlier than the sequencial chapter rendering would have lead one to assume and so also his other concubines most likely bore him children before Isaac. In other words, Abraham had other concubines and wives, and Scripture does not say that he ever gave them up. Nor does it say that having other wives and concubines is the reason for God’s correction of Abraham concerning Haggar. It concludes that Abraham had like Jacob, David and Solomon after him, multiple wives and concubines. It was his wife, Sarah, who lead Abraham astray (relexive of the garden) to deny the promised provision of God. We also have this witness, that Abraham loved Ishmael more. And even though Scripture calls Isaac his only son, Abraham, did not consider that to be true, but petitioned God that Ishmael, not Isaac, be the heir.
Did he learn his lesson? Depends on what lesson. It wasn’t the lesson of adultery. He didn’t learn the lesson of not taking multiple wives and Scripture is silent as to whether or not he had them at the time of his death. However, the reading is that they are still his in his old age after Sarah and that their sons were also with him until he sent them east. The conclusion is that the story has nothing to do with adultery. Abraham most likely died an adulterer just as David did. The story has to do with God’s provision and not the efforts of the flesh, period, regardless of the other circumstances of Abraham’s life.
Does Abraham learn a lesson of faith? Well that also depends on what you mean. Though we learn about the faith, though we grow in confidence in it by what we learn and experience, there is no doubt. But faith, proper, is not something we learn, it is a free gift of God not an aquired habit of man. And beside that, though one man waters and another plants, it is God, and always so, who gives the increase.