Book Review: Naked Divorce For Women

Life After Divorce
Is Possible

Naked Divorce for Women (UK link here) won’t help you avoid a divorce or provide legal advice for getting one but it will help you get over one. In a word this book is about recovery.

The title is telling. Divorce is stressful not only because it is hurtful, inconvenient and demoralizing, but also because it leaves one feeling exposed and exposure is the particular sensation that Adele illustrates well throughout her book. She bravely bares all in an attempt to help others navigate the climb from the chaos of divorce to the order of recovery. Her writing isn’t coldly clinical. It is personal.

But don’t get the wrong idea. This book, though it targets the pain, doesn’t encourage anyone to live in it. Instead, Adele highlights individual responsibility before and after the divorce: responsibility, that is, for the failed marriage and the recovered life. Self-pity, bitterness and revenge are understood but not encouraged or entertained.

Though Adele writes from a woman’s perspective and for women going through divorce, the principles she lays out are drawn from her background in change management and are good for managing any kind of transition. They can apply to both genders too.

She writes broadly covering many related issues: hormones, friends, family, work relations and more but at the core of the book is a 21 day program for recovery which emphasizes diet, physical exercise and the importance of maintaining a balanced routine, among other things. But don’t worry. She doesn’t take an extreme approach to dietary regulations. You only need “limit” coffee and chocolate, not eliminate them.

Adele’s program brings immediate relief but it isn’t a quick-fix or a laid-back approach. The 21 day program involves a commitment of 90 to 120 minutes each day during the week and a bit more time on the weekend. The program is described as a cocooning process that enables transformation from a troubled, out of control state to a more settled and focused you.

21 days may seem like a long time but as Adele points out, compared to the scope of an entire life, 21 days is only a small part.

Adele shares loads of data but avoids info-overload by interspersing anecdotes from her experiences as well as those she has worked with. And these stories are laced with one-liners that help those who’ve never experienced divorce glimpse how helpless a divorced person can feel.

“I thought that if I could convert my emotional pain to physical pain, I could take a pill for it.”

For those struggling with this same pain, Adele’s book is the “pill.”

Adele encourages her readers to “use” time rather than “take” it. “Taking time to heal” she says, “can lead to a false sense of healing.” Rather than wait for healing to happen, she encourages the divorced to take the initiate and make it happen and her 21 day program provides the guidance for doing that.

She maps out the stages of divorce grief and recovery. The downward cycle includes: denial, anger and betrayal, panic and negotiation, humiliation (fear of failure or looking bad), despair, loss-grief-depression and space and nothingness (emotional vacuum). The recovery cycle includes: acceptance, responsibility and forgiveness and gratitude.

The book covers the warning signs of psychological trouble also. Very helpful for friends looking on.

Adele emphasizes emotions and encourages the reader to “feel” their emotions. She also mentions “deserving” the emotions you feel. Emotional investigation is a daily part of the course.

This book is not for the casual reader. Adele’s program immerses the individual in daily mental/emotional exercises designed to break the old routines and realign life with constructive creative activities, activities that generate a sense of self-esteem.

Instead of entertaining excuses for floundering, Adele’s book provides the rational and the methodology for moving onward and upward.

Also Recommended

Generally, people have no idea what a divorce involves but that is where Tracy’s book comes in handy.

In Divorce 101: A Woman’s Guide To Divorce Tracy provides emotional insight and practical support for those navigating a divorce and she is writing from experience. She’s been there and in her experience:

“Everyone had a different opinion on what I should do, but no one gave me a clear plan of action.”

Hence DIVORCE 101: A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO DIVORCE in which Tracy provides a wealth of very helpful information for women considering or filing for divorce.