If All We Do
Is Say What’s Already Been Said
We Haven’t Done The Job
It had been several years since I last spoke to this individual. Through others, I had remained aware of what was happening in his life and it became apparent that he was aware of happenings in my life too, but other than exchanging a like or two on Facebook, a distant wave here or there, nothing. So it was a surprise when I got his message that he wanted to FaceTime.
I agreed, of course. We had been acquainted for thirty plus years at that point. I knew him as a kid growing up and I was familiar with the various stages of his development. His story was quite typical.
He grew up in church but, as often happens, his Christianity was mostly superficial. He was a quiet rebel as a youngster: alcohol, drugs and sex. Always nice on the surface. Always pleasant and full of potential but into some serious stuff in the background.
As you might guess, the background issues began taking over and became more apparent as he grew older.
He was loved through it all and, thankfully, came to his senses at a later stage.
And when he did, he was loved just as much at that point as he’d always been. The difference now was that he was also applauded, honored and appreciated for making his way out of an addictive situation. He had apparently become quite dependent on both the alcohol and the drugs. Overcoming in that situation has to be respected. In his case, he did more than just overcome addiction. He also went to university and gained a credible degree. Impressive!
It was quite some time after his turn-around that he contacted me and wanted to FaceTime. I was cool with that. Why not?
In the conversation that ensued, however, things were almost strained. I was his elder so he was respectful but I could tell he had some things he wanted to say. I wasn’t worried but it wasn’t the friendly chat I anticipated.
The Real Point
After the preliminary social exchanges, he asked a few questions about some things I had written and then made the comment that was really the whole point of this chat.
Mr. Pepper, you’ve changed.
He wasn’t openly sarcastic or accusing but he wasn’t being complimentary either. He wasn’t trying to say something nice. Respect, yes. Teeth showing, no, and I didn’t take it personally, but I knew exactly what he was trying to say. I knew he was disagreeing with some of my ideas and he felt compelled to share his concern because to him it seemed like heresy.
I took no offense. In fact, remarks like that are compliments even when they are meant to be otherwise.
When someone takes the time to let you know they disagree, it means you said something that made them think, you’ve hit a nerve. That’s a good thing. I’m a minister and that is what ministers are supposed to do.
If we don’t say things that stimulate thought, then we haven’t done the job.
So his comments didn’t bother me on a personal level but I was concerned then and I still am.
It often happens that when a person manages to overcome seriously bad lifestyle choices, they can become quite insecure about it and they express that insecurity by attacking any ideas or behavior they, in their new found rightness, view as deviant.
In order to avoid problems in their life, they must clean up perceived problems in everyone else’s life. They’ve moved to the right side and now they must prove they deserve their place.
In extreme cases, they take on an aggressive, loudly critical mode toward anything they perceive as a threat.
Smokers who quit smoking often report that the urge to smoke persists for years afterward. They wake up from dreams thinking they had started again. Nightmarish. The fear of failure stays close to the surface and one response is to attack the objects of their insecurity: cigarettes and smokers.
A Word About Change
Had I changed? Kind of.
I had written a book on divorce challenging traditional ideas about marriage but I hadn’t so much as changed as clarified. The outcome of those clarifying thoughts were perceived as different to Fundamentalist’s teaching. The book expressed more balanced, sensible views of marriage, divorce and remarriage which runs contrary to the more extreme strains found in fundamentalist circles.
But any change can spur accusations of heresy. And those accusations often comes from those who’ve overcome excessive lifestyles.
This process is simple. A person has a conversion experience or radically turns from wayward living and immediately adopts whatever traditional ideas are presented. Those ideas become the new position. There’s little thinking involved. The Pulpit says this or that and it becomes the accepted rule.
That was my experience for decades but through life’s many experiences I learned to challenge traditional dogma. Hence the book.
Challenging is also not allowed.
A Second Word About Change
“Change” is a scary word for many Christians but it shouldn’t be. It is associated negatively with a departure from the faith and when I say “faith” I’m talking about traditional religious teachings. A departure may be involved but it may be a correction rather than a departure.
If a Catholic ceases to believe the elements of the communion table are the actual flesh and blood of Christ, is that heresy? The only people not cheering that change would be Catholics.
Mennonites are Amish who changed from horse-drawn buggies to automobiles and from candles to light bulbs along with several other modernizations. Is that change a departure from the faith?
Change is not only helpful it’s inevitable. No one can avoid it.
Change is the one thing that differentiates humans from God. God never changes because He cannot change. Humans change because we cannot do otherwise.
We know that physical change is inevitable. It can’t be avoided so we accept it. But ideas also must change, even the ideas we entertain about God.
Some would have us believe that traditional ideas about God must be accepted because they’ve been believed for centuries. But is that really true?
Past generations had less freedom to question or think about traditional ideas than we do today. Far less. Questions were expressed on penalty of death.
If none of the previous generations have thought through accepted dogmas (Christian tradition has never been characterized as free thinking) shouldn’t we do that now?
Can any person in any generation say they have a handle on God? Can anyone in the present say they fully understand every truth? Shouldn’t each generation be diligent in the pursuit of truth?
We should and when we do, we might find ourselves in the process of change. Historically religion has resisted change but in the end changed anyway. Just a couple hundred years ago music wasn’t allowed in church. Now, churches produce a full on rock production every Sunday.
Shouldn’t we just embrace change?
Insecurity Should Never Characterize Christians
I understand the vulnerability one feels after overcoming a problem and then being tempted again to falter. It leaves one feeling hugely insecure but we need to rethink this.
Christians are secure. They were loved long before they became Christian. God doesn’t hate people. He doesn’t become agitated with our mistakes. He may hate the sin but that’s more because of what it does to us.
God is love.
Let those words sink in. Believe them. Accept them.
He doesn’t love us because we are good nor because we are trying nor because we are saved. He just loves. God loves the people who believe in Him and He loves the people who don’t.
He may (emphasis on the word “may”) oppose one person for hurting another but there’s no guarantee. He leaves a lot for us to figure out and the “figuring” process, if done diligently, will definitely lead to change.
God may hate injustice but He never responds in hate to any person.
It’s hard for humans to grasp this concept. We’re so busy trying to balance the scales of justice (or denying the imbalance) and hating the people who disagree that it’s hard to imagine God doing anything differently. God doesn’t act like us. We take things personally. God doesn’t.
Instead of having a dog in every fight, God fights for every dog.
It took me a long time to realize this marvelous truth but it’s a fact. God is love and that means everything He does, every feeling he experiences and every thought He entertains is motivated and driven by a sense of love.
This isn’t what I think or what I believe. This is simply the fact. If God is love, He can’t hate you.
We’re trying to straighten the world out. We’re trying to make everything right, like that is a possibility. God is just trying to convince us that He loves us. He really loves us. He loves all of us.
God may hate what Putin is doing but He loves Putin. It’s ok to care about Putin, not more than you care about Ukrainians but equally so. It’s ok to pray for Putin. If God answers that prayer, everyone is better off.
It’s OK To Think
Beliefs are somewhat like ideas but there is one very big difference. Ideas can be investigated, beliefs can only be accepted.
Ideas are offered for consideration meaning they aren’t proven yet. They may be good ideas, meaning effective, or not but they aren’t considered sinful for being new or different. And they also aren’t discarded before being considered. It’s only in the reasoning/experimentation process they can be developed or discarded.
Every idea is a good idea until it’s proven otherwise. Beliefs are ideas we must accept unreservedly.
You cannot believe something and question it at the same time. That wouldn’t make sense. Anyone questioning a widely accepted belief or attempting to break it down rationally doesn’t even get a hearing. Beliefs are sacrosanct and must be protected. One way protection is provided is by stating the belief loudly, adamantly and repeatedly (mantra style) at every opportunity and, of course, treat any source of disagreement with disdain.
Divorce and remarriage fall into the belief category. The Catholic church, for example, believes that only marriages solemnized in the Catholic church are true marriages. Once the marriage is solemnized, it can never be broken (divorce). If divorce does occur, remarriage is disallowed but if it does happen, it can only be platonic.
That sounds a lot like making marriage more important than people. That’s why the subtitle for my book is “Why A Marriage Should Never Be Saved At The Expense Of A Life.”
THINK!AboutIt
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