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Living Is Counseling

January 1, 2019 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

You Can Be Neutral
Only If You Declare Your Neutrality

In most cases, counseling is something that happens only when necessary and is usually arranged by special appointment. People who require counseling for non-medical reasons are dealing with problems stemming from past experiences and those problems are effecting the quality of life in the present.

That’s the short explanation, what we’ve been led to think, but it raises an important question. How do people avoid problems in the first place?

The counseling process is complicated. In fact, it’s mysterious because humans are complex and experiences, both good and bad, add to that complexity. We’re not as normal as we like to think, or even worse, maybe we are.

The most popular version of counseling is after-the-fact crisis management. It’s the solution we turn to not because we have a problem but because the problem, undetected heretofore, has been around long enough for us to reach overload. It’s entrenched and won’t be easily dislodged. Counseling, where we hope to find the answer, is more like a slow and tedious untangling process than a quick fix. There’s no pill for this.

The process includes a bit of self-discovery, others discovery, and experience analysis. These three elements are the basic influences in every person’s life. They teach us how to think and act.

But what I just described is only one type of counseling. The people who provide it are professionals and it only takes place after the fact. It’s corrective, not prophylactic.

The Bigger Picture

But what about the rest of life? How do people learn to believe in themselves or not? Why do some people develop a fear of water? When do people become afraid of crowds? What influences these outcomes?

Nature plays a part but only a small part. The website, Very Well Mind, provides a short list of 98 phobias. It’s only a partial list but it’s long enough to show there aren’t enough natures to go around. The bigger causes must be found elsewhere.

Medical News Today says,

It is unusual for a phobia to start after the age of 30 years, and most begin during early childhood, the teenage years or early adulthood.

They can be caused by a stressful experience, a frightening event or a parent or household member with a phobia that a child can learn.

And there you have it. It’s more about timing than nature. All the input is external and happens in the most formative years. Nature is not the culprit. Phobias are nurtured.

Both good and bad qualities, strengths and weaknesses, are being shaped by people and experiences.

Counseling Happens Everyday

Counseling happens 24/7 in everyday life. Living is counseling. If you’re alive, you’re counseling and being counseled.

There may very well be times when a special problem arises that requires professional attention, but at all other times, I am counseling others by the way I live. The way I manage money, time, relationships counsels others in how to manage these things too.

Everything I do, everything I say and every attitude I entertain sends a message to those around me. I am counseling everyone around me, and everyone around me is counseling me.

It isn’t intentional, but it is real.

The more influence one has, the more their counsel takes hold.

What About Moral Issues

We like to think we can live our own lives completely to ourselves and separate from everyone else without interfering, intruding or asserting influence. Not so! [Read more…] about Living Is Counseling

What I’m Thankful For

November 23, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Who Believes In You

Today is Thanksgiving and, obviously, it is the day to be thankful. But rather than be thankful generally speaking, I decided to mention specifics so this is a list of things for which I’m thankful. The list isn’t exhaustive. I only mention a few things but there’s one item, in particular, I consider most important. Here goes:

I’m thankful my blessings far outweigh my problems

I can easily count my problems. My blessings, however, are numberless.

I’m thankful there is a day to focus on the blessings instead of the problems

Most days, problems loom. We can feel surrounded. It’s only natural. Thanksgiving changes the focus. Helps us put things into perspective.

Remember, the more you talk about or think about or focus on a problem, the bigger it gets especially if you don’t solve it. That may be why the Bible tells us to think on virtuous and praiseworthy things rather than the other stuff.

I’m thankful there is a day that reminds us to refocus.

I’m thankful that some people love to cook

T-day is loaded with great food: turkey, ham, beans, sweet potato souffle, pecan pie and more but if it was up to me, the entire meal would be store bought. Other than eggs or oatmeal, I don’t cook. Never had the desire and, honestly, I wouldn’t be upset if the people who do the cooking took the day off.

But, fortunately, some people actually enjoy cooking. It relaxes them. It’s a gift and I’m thankful for every mouth full.

I’m thankful for family

This is the important one.

Everyone assumes they know what family is, but I’m not so sure. The word “Family” evokes both good and bad feelings. One person hates his or her parents. Another can’t imagine life without them. One person is absorbed in their married partner. Another seems indifferent.

The legal definition, of course, is exactly the same for everyone but family is more than just a legal relationship. Attitude is far more significant than benefaction.

You’re my child. I am legally responsible for your needs. I’ll look bad if I don’t meet them.

That captures the legal aspect of family. It doesn’t define family the way it is meant to be.

There’s a better way.

Family is any person with whom you have a connection if the well being of that person is something for which you have a genuine interest, blood relation or not, and the attitude goes both ways.

A family member is that person who you really want to see do well. You’re excited when they excel. In fact, you expect it. You never judge their failure but you don’t accept it either. They may not share DNA with you but the connection emotionally is strong enough to overcome that.

My wife, for example, doesn’t share DNA with me but there is no person who has accepted me more than she. And vice versa. I know she is interested in my well being and wants me to do well. The feeling is mutual.

I wouldn’t say our relationship is equal. There is no such thing as an absolutely, full-on equal relationship. But if she does badly or feels badly, I hurt. Again, it’s mutual and we both know it.

This is why team members will often refer to each other as family. They aren’t biologically connected but they have no problem making sacrifices so the other person and the team as a whole can do well.

Family are the people who believe in us and we in them. I’m thankful that T-day is a time to celebrate that.

The Truth Shall Set You Free

November 17, 2017 by EnnisP 1 Comment

Bias May Become
Obstinance
Before It Becomes
Repentance

John chapter 8 represents a pivotal point in the relationship between Jesus and the Pharisees. It wasn’t the last time Jesus spoke to them or responded to their questions but it does record one of the longest single conversations Jesus had with the religious leaders in Jerusalem. And it didn’t end well.

It took place about 29 AD which means Jesus was approximately two-thirds into His three-year public ministry. The Pharisees had argued and debated with Jesus for two years and even talked about killing Him.

Things were escalating. In the end of John 8, they attempted to stone Him.

Nothing New

There is very little new content in this chapter. Apart from the opening few verses (the woman caught in adultery), the issues had been mentioned before.

Overview

The Pharisees complained in chapter eight that Jesus had no evidence for what He claimed. They knew this wasn’t true. Everyone else knew this wasn’t true and Jesus did respond to their accusations but one of the most important statements He made was to those who believed. What He said has inspired and stimulated thought ever since.

You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. (John 8:32)

But getting back to the Pharisees, just to show how misleading their claim was, following are the many times and ways Jesus was attested to. All the references are from the Gospel of John.

John Baptist said He was the light of every person, 1:8. This is critical because everyone recognized John Baptist as a prophet, even the Pharisees. They didn’t like him but they couldn’t deny he was a prophet.
John Baptist also said Jesus was at the Father’s side, 1:18.
Jesus did many miracles in Jerusalem, 2:23. These miracles happened following the cleansing of the Temple and in response to the Pharisees request for a sign of His authority to clean the temple (v. 18). It was these miracles that prompted Nicodemus to confess, “We know you are a teacher come from God.” (3:2)
John Baptist also said God has placed all power in the hands of Jesus, 3:35.
Jesus referred to John Baptist as a witness to Him, 5:31-35.
He reminds the Pharisees that His miracles are a witness, 5:36.
Scriptures are a witness to Jesus, 5:39.
Moses was a witness, 5:45-46.
Crowds were a witness (they wanted to make Him King), 6:14-15.
His ability to teach was a witness, 7:15, 46.
Logical arguments were a witness, 7:21-24. Jesus compared His healing of a man on the Sabbath to the Pharisees custom of circumcising on the Sabbath.

In spite of so much evidence, the Pharisees still insisted there was nothing to back up the testimony of Jesus.

How The Pharisees Responded

In spite of the evidence, the Pharisees’ responses are dismissive, defensive and sarcastic.

They accuse Jesus of self-promotion.
They asked where Jesus’ father was, even though they knew that no one had seen God.
They asked if He was planning to commit suicide.
They asked Him who He was, a question that had been asked and answered many times.
They assumed they weren’t in bondage.
They claimed Abraham as their father, as if that made them privileged.
Then they claimed God as their father.
They call Jesus a demon-possessed Samaritan.
They deny eternal life.
They claimed Abraham could never have known of Jesus since he was long dead before Jesus came.
They attemtp to stone Jesus.

The Pharisees were clearly being obstinant. There was no open discussion or respectful debate. They weren’t asking questions or sincerely seeking answers. They were not offering rational arguments. Their intent was to cause trouble. Every effort to discredit Jesus had failed and the frustration bled through.

Jesus Mingled With Many Ethnic Groups

November 15, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Jesus Focused
On What We Have
In Common

Ethnicity is a fact of life. Everyone is ethnic. You, me, everyone. No one can escape this truth.

Of course, if you’re like me, you’re wondering, “What the heck is ethnic?” Or rather, “What do people mean when they use the word?”

And when you look around, you discover it’s not so easy to define and often more difficult to apply.

The word is frequently invoked these days but that doesn’t mean it is clearly understood.

Mystery reigns.

You hear it often because it is the new political catchword for both liberal and conservative policymakers.

Even worse is the fact that the word often connotes one of two negative vibes: condescension or smugness.

General discussions or even a passing reference to any ethnic group comes across as condescending:

Those poor people. How strange!

And if you happen to be a member of said group and you find no way to stop the conversational finger-pointing, you eventually develop a smug, defensive attitude, which becomes the impetus for political action or in extreme cases, revolution.

The last two US Presidents illustrate the point. Obama was perceived as ethnically generous. Trump not so much. Obama spoke respectfully of those who didn’t fit in with mainstream America. Trump wants to build a wall. But both, regardless the predisposition, spoke/speak downward.

And it must be remembered that the President, whatever his bias, presides in the highest office in a country whose message to every immigrant is:

Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, yearning to breathe free!

Those masses come from every possible direction. They have many things in common. Ethnic identity isn’t one of them.

Like it or not, the US populace is a living, breathing, ever-changing example of ethnic blending. The American Way is a hybrid and stays in a constant state of flux.

More importantly, the laws of the land, at least in the US, don’t define individual tastes. They don’t create ethnic boundaries or allow ethnic shaming but they do regulate how citizens respond when preferences conflict.

That is the important truth to remember. The US version of democracy doesn’t feature one ethnic background at the expense of all others. The ground rules are established for all. In theory, anyone breaking those rules regardless their ethnic background is judged and penalized accordingly, meaning fairly.

I’m sure some will blanch at the idea, but the US has slowly formed into an equal ethnic opportunity. All must work. All must pay their own bills and make a reasonable contribution. None are allowed illegal entrance but ethnicity is safe as long as it doesn’t abuse the law or the rights of others.

But back to the word itself. [Read more…] about Jesus Mingled With Many Ethnic Groups

Ethnicity Looms Large In The New Testament

November 13, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Jesus Preached Ethnic Equality
Without Using The Words

Ethnicity was never a discussion point for Jesus. He never mentioned the topic specifically or addressed it directly but in spite of that, the issue predominates.

The Gospels and the New Testament are riddled with both subtle and pointed references to ethnic issues. The thread runs consistently throughout. For Example:

The Wise Men

The story of Jesus starts out with a very interesting ethnic twist and we don’t easily see it. We are so accustomed to reading the Christmas story, filled with wonder and delight, that we miss how strange it is that middle eastern dignitaries, magi, would show up uninvited in Jerusalem to visit the recently born King of the Jews.

This was unusual. National entities in New Testament days weren’t known for mutual trust and Israel’s sitting King, Herod, was particularly nasty. He killed his first wife and had her three sons executed.

The only reason these wise men received a hearing instead of a beheading was because they were wise men, attendees at court, which no doubt gave them political clout, and they were apparently wealthy too. They came bearing very expensive gifts for the new King.

But they were outsiders. Had it not been for their intriguing story about a new and recently born King of the Jews, they might have been run out of town.

All of that is to say that the story of Jesus starts out with an ethnic wake-up call. And it wasn’t just that the wise men represented a different ethnicity who joined the joined the brethren in receiving the King. They seemed to be the only ones who actually got it.

The Pharisees, the superior group, along with most of Israel and the rest of the world were completely blindsided. How is it that people on the outside, marginalized by religious Judaism, saw in Jesus what the Jews could not?

The people in the best position to recognize the first coming of Jesus weren’t looking or expectant. That alone is weird! But then it becomes even more unusual when recognition comes from another ethnic group.

That’s like saying Vatican City missed it but the Gypsies got it!

The point, of course – at least one of them – is the fact ethnicity isn’t a barrier to searching for and finding truth. The ability to recognize God is not unique to any one ethnic group.

But the ethnic thread doesn’t stop there.

A Mixed Crowd

Fairly early in His public life, Jesus ministers to a large and mixed crowd that included people from Jerusalem and Judea, and from Decapolis and from beyond Jordan (Mark 3:7-12). Put simply, this brief statement paints a picture of a large crowd of people, including both Jews and Canaanites, mixing and mingling in very close quarters, all trying to touch Jesus. Think of a music concert with everyone reaching for the stage.

This was neither a comfortable nor a common situation. Jews and Canaanites weren’t known to spend time in close proximity, but what makes this interesting is the fact that it is mentioned in passing as if it is a normal occurrence. And we read it as if the only miracle was the healing Jesus performed on the suffering when in reality a much bigger miracle was taking place.

Namely: People from fiercely opposing ethnicities were huddled together apparently without incident. There were no fractious moments to record. The only trouble came from people pressing a little too forcefully trying to get within touching range of Jesus.

The Jews and Canaanites didn’t point at each other and whisper obscenities under the breath. There was no them vs us.

And there’s more. [Read more…] about Ethnicity Looms Large In The New Testament

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You Can Be Neutral Only If You Declare Your Neutrality