Rewards And Consequences
Two Sides
Of The Same Coin

This post is part 2 in the discussion of rewards, the fourth of 4R’s in the series on Good Parenting and focuses on the natural law of cause and effect. What our kids do is a cause. Good parents will help them appreciate the effect.

You can find part 1 here.
 

Rewards Counterbalance Consequence

You can’t really develop a concept of rewards and ignore the reality of consequences. You also can’t overwork consequences and leave out rewards. Emphasizing either one to the neglect of the other isn’t honest or realistic. Life includes both. One effects the other. If we do away with one, rewards or consequences, life will have a permanent list. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Fourth of 4R’s – Rewards, Part 2

Eliminating Rewards
Makes Consequence
The Only Motivation

The concept of rewards is one idea every parent needs to understand clearly.

Rewards are the positive things we receive – material gifts, praise, recognition – for the constructive things we do and this “doing and receiving” idea can be expressed in many different ways.

Let me share a few with you:

• “No deserving deed should be done for nothing.”
• Or “Every decent action should receive an appropriate reward.”
• Which is another way of saying “No one should do anything expecting nothing in return.”
• And to say it more colloquially, with a bit more flare and in a way we can all relate to, “There ain’t no free lunch.”

We’ve all heard those or similar statements but do most people really believe that? Do they believe the idea applies to all situations equally?

I would say yes, mostly. Not always.

The majority believe this in most situations but when it comes to parenting they change the rules. Instead of teaching kids that every action involves a series of appropriate consequences and rewards they teach them to do things only because it is the right thing to do, implying they should expect nothing in return.

It’s not an uncommon idea and it has an emotionally righteous ring to it but what does it really mean?

Can that possibly be true or are some parents fiddling with the laws of nature? [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Fourth of 4R’s – Rewards, Part 1

Controlling All Outcomes
Robs Children of Opportunities
To Develop

As I said before, good parents begin with the end in view and ask pertinent questions about where the parenting process is going. What do you want your kids to be like? What qualities do they need to have? One obvious answer to those questions is “responsible.” We want our kids to be responsible people.

Well, “responsible” is a rather broad description. It doesn’t give us too much detail so I’ve included the following ideas to break it down a bit. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Third of 4R’s – Responsibility, Part 2

Failure Is The Teaching Moment
Consequence The Teaching Tool

You can’t teach responsibility in a classroom.

You can teach the theory. You can define the words but you can’t convey the real meaning of responsibility outside of experience, which involves two things we don’t like very much. The first one is consequence. It is the primary teaching tool.

The second one is failure. You don’t have a consequence unless you have a failure, which means failure is a part of the formula too. That might sound discouraging but when you do the math, the emotional math, it works.

Failure plus consequence equals “Aha!” I get it! But the formula doesn’t always compute because parents add another element to the equation, protectionism. It changes the outcome completely. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Third of 4R’s – Responsibility, Part 1

Routine Focuses On The Goal
Scheduling Focuses On The Clock

Of all the words you could choose to describe good parenting “Routine” is one of the least attractive. Everyone knows that routine is constructive but the word is often associated more with “boring” or “monotonous” rather than “useful.”

The problem may be caused by the fact that routine is identified with time management and schedules, which can be a bit overbearing at times. Some people are so tightly scheduled there is no room for spontaneity at all. Fortunately, routine living and scheduling are not the same as the following comparison shows: [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Second of 4R’s – Routine