Marriage Archives - NowTHINK!AboutIt

Fighting The Good Fight Involves Debate Not Pugilism

May 26, 2024 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

If All We Do
Is Say What’s Already Been Said
We Haven’t Done The Job

It had been several years since I last spoke to this individual. Through others, I had remained aware of what was happening in his life and it became apparent that he was aware of happenings in my life too, but other than exchanging a like or two on Facebook, a distant wave here or there, nothing. So it was a surprise when I got his message that he wanted to FaceTime.

I agreed, of course. We had been acquainted for thirty plus years at that point. I knew him as a kid growing up and I was familiar with the various stages of his development. His story was quite typical.

He grew up in church but, as often happens, his Christianity was mostly superficial. He was a quiet rebel as a youngster: alcohol, drugs and sex. Always nice on the surface. Always pleasant and full of potential but into some serious stuff in the background.

As you might guess, the background issues began taking over and became more apparent as he grew older.

He was loved through it all and, thankfully, came to his senses at a later stage.

And when he did, he was loved just as much at that point as he’d always been. The difference now was that he was also applauded, honored and appreciated for making his way out of an addictive situation. He had apparently become quite dependent on both the alcohol and the drugs. Overcoming in that situation has to be respected. In his case, he did more than just overcome addiction. He also went to university and gained a credible degree. Impressive! [Read more…] about Fighting The Good Fight Involves Debate Not Pugilism

Marriage And Change Are Synonymous

December 22, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Refusing To Change
Stunts One’s Growth

I’m married. I like being married! It’s great and I wouldn’t change a thing.

My wife is a beautiful person, an incredible woman, a wonderful partner, and a great friend – as in best. I am grateful every day that she accepted my proposal and loves me still.

I actually joke that God partially blinded her for life on the day I proposed.

But I think we are lucky. Not every marriage is happy. Marital experience can range anywhere from bliss to dysphoria. In extreme cases it’s dangerous.

That’s a strange thing to say. You don’t associate danger with something God intended to make us secure but we all know it’s true. Something as potentially wholesome as marriage can become a war zone.

The real question has to do with change, though. People change people. It’s a fact. There’s is no such thing as a neutral relationship. Every person within emotional/intellectual/cultural range exerts influence.

And that applies to all people, not just family: neighbors, schoolmates, friends (close and not so close), teachers, employers, fellow employees, colleagues and more.

Accents illustrate the point. Everyone has an accent but no one has any recollection of trying to form one. It just happens. We become like the people around us.

We don’t even know where accents come from but accents are evidence that each one of us is influenced by the people around us whether we want that or not. This truth has both positive and negative effects.

One bully can bruise your psyche for life, the negative. One good teacher can unleash your possibilities, the positive.

But what about marriage? Is any relationship closer? Should we be surprised that marriage changes us in the deepest and most profound ways? Hopefully in good ways but, good or bad, marriage changes you. You must expect it and be open for it to happen. It works best when we approach it with the right attitude. [Read more…] about Marriage And Change Are Synonymous

This Week In Divorce – India’s Muslim Minority

October 25, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

It’s A Microcosm
Of The Culture Jesus Faced

On August 22, 2017, India’s Supreme Court banned the Muslim practice of triple-talaq also known as instant-divorce by which a husband could unilaterally divorce a wife instantly by simply saying the word “talaq” to her three times.

The law was so lax that sending the words by text or WhatsApp was sufficient to execute the divorce.

At one time, triple-talaq was the norm in other countries also but India is the last country to ban it by judicial decree. To quote US News:

…While judges or politicians elsewhere across the Muslim world, from Morocco to Indonesia, have managed to reform Islamic laws, bringing them under their own courts or codifying them, this never happened in India.

Until now.

The article also mentions that many of these instantly-divorced women become destitute and homeless.

Calling triple-talaq insensitive is an understatement. It was the worst kind of cruel. It’s banning was celebrated by the ladies.

I mention it here because this represents a modern-day microcosm of marriage practices in the first century. Males were dominant, capricious and arbitrary. Easy divorce was not only possible it was expected during Bible times and the outcome could be just as devastating. [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – India’s Muslim Minority

This Week In Divorce – Celebrity Breakups

September 22, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Celebrity Marriage
Is A Minefield

It isn’t uncommon for the public to think celebrities hold the highest spot on the divorce-rate list but according to a Radford University study the idea is just a myth.

The study’s findings were based on the 2000 census and isolated rates of divorce by occupation, listing 449 different jobs.

Surprisingly, dancers and choreographers were first on the list with just over 43% divorce rate. Second and third on the list were bartenders and massage therapists. Casino workers, telephone operators, nurses and home health aides were also in the top ten. Celebrities didn’t even get an honorable mention.

So why do we think they’re the worst?

Maybe we should blame the media. They give celebrities a lot of attention, especially when things like divorce are happening, and that does influence perception. Whatever the case, now that we know celebrity breakups don’t happen as frequently as we thought, we should look more closely and find out what makes these unions tick.

Let’s face it, celebrity marriages are strange and that isn’t just another overstated media induced perception. It’s also not a judgment. No condemnation intended.

There are several reasons why these unions are more like minefields than normal marriage and since common folks – the ones with normal marriages – have a difficult time getting marriage right we shouldn’t be surprised or overly critical when celebrity marriages wobble.

If we can turn off the judgment for a little while, we might learn something from their experience that can help the rest avoid marriage-divorce mishaps. We might even learn to be a bit more forgiving. [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – Celebrity Breakups

This Week In Divorce – India Still Requires Fault

September 8, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Incompatibility
Does Not Suggest
Fault

The Hindu reported that Politician Omar Abdullah’s divorce plea from his estranged wife, Payal Abdullah, was denied in court on 30 August 2016.

The circumstances behind the plea and the courts response were interesting.

Omar’s claims paint an ugly picture:

Married 1 September 1994
Conjugal relations ceased after 2007
Lived separately since 2009
Accused wife of cruelty, desertion and unreasonable conduct

The couple has two sons living with the mother.

The judge ruled that Omar had failed to prove irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.

I’m neither a judge nor a lawyer but this ruling raises several questions about the wisdom of requiring fault in the case of divorce: [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – India Still Requires Fault