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Marriage And Change Are Synonymous

December 22, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Marriage starts as a sapling and become a full grown tree.

Refusing To Change
Stunts One’s Growth

I’m married. I like being married! It’s great and I wouldn’t change a thing.

My wife is a beautiful person, an incredible woman, a wonderful partner, and a great friend – as in best. I am grateful every day that she accepted my proposal and loves me still.

I actually joke that God partially blinded her for life on the day I proposed.

But I think we are lucky. Not every marriage is happy. Marital experience can range anywhere from bliss to dysphoria. In extreme cases it’s dangerous.

That’s a strange thing to say. You don’t associate danger with something God intended to make us secure but we all know it’s true. Something as potentially wholesome as marriage can become a war zone.

The real question has to do with change, though. People change people. It’s a fact. There’s is no such thing as a neutral relationship. Every person within emotional/intellectual/cultural range exerts influence.

And that applies to all people, not just family: neighbors, schoolmates, friends (close and not so close), teachers, employers, fellow employees, colleagues and more.

Accents illustrate the point. Everyone has an accent but no one has any recollection of trying to form one. It just happens. We become like the people around us.

We don’t even know where accents come from but accents are evidence that each one of us is influenced by the people around us whether we want that or not. This truth has both positive and negative effects.

One bully can bruise your psyche for life, the negative. One good teacher can unleash your possibilities, the positive.

Tees For Everyone

But what about marriage? Is any relationship closer? Should we be surprised that marriage changes us in the deepest and most profound ways? Hopefully in good ways but, good or bad, marriage changes you. You must expect it and be open for it to happen. It works best when we approach it with the right attitude. [Read more…] about Marriage And Change Are Synonymous

Filed Under: Family, Human Relations, Marriage

This Week In Divorce – India’s Muslim Minority

October 25, 2017 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Did Jesus regulate divorce or cruelty?

It’s A Microcosm
Of The Culture Jesus Faced

On August 22, 2017, India’s Supreme Court banned the Muslim practice of triple-talaq also known as instant-divorce by which a husband could unilaterally divorce a wife instantly by simply saying the word “talaq” to her three times.

The law was so lax that sending the words by text or WhatsApp was sufficient to execute the divorce.

At one time, triple-talaq was the norm in other countries also but India is the last country to ban it by judicial decree. To quote US News:

…While judges or politicians elsewhere across the Muslim world, from Morocco to Indonesia, have managed to reform Islamic laws, bringing them under their own courts or codifying them, this never happened in India.

Until now.

The article also mentions that many of these instantly-divorced women become destitute and homeless.

Calling triple-talaq insensitive is an understatement. It was the worst kind of cruel. It’s banning was celebrated by the ladies.

I mention it here because this represents a modern-day microcosm of marriage practices in the first century. Males were dominant, capricious and arbitrary. Easy divorce was not only possible it was expected during Bible times and the outcome could be just as devastating. [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – India’s Muslim Minority

Filed Under: Divorce, Law, Marriage

This Week In Divorce – Celebrity Breakups

September 22, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

With celebrity, air is rarefied but never airs.

Celebrity Marriage
Is A Minefield

It isn’t uncommon for the public to think celebrities hold the highest spot on the divorce-rate list but according to a Radford University study the idea is just a myth.

The study’s findings were based on the 2000 census and isolated rates of divorce by occupation, listing 449 different jobs.

Surprisingly, dancers and choreographers were first on the list with just over 43% divorce rate. Second and third on the list were bartenders and massage therapists. Casino workers, telephone operators, nurses and home health aides were also in the top ten. Celebrities didn’t even get an honorable mention.

So why do we think they’re the worst?

Maybe we should blame the media. They give celebrities a lot of attention, especially when things like divorce are happening, and that does influence perception. Whatever the case, now that we know celebrity breakups don’t happen as frequently as we thought, we should look more closely and find out what makes these unions tick.

Let’s face it, celebrity marriages are strange and that isn’t just another overstated media induced perception. It’s also not a judgment. No condemnation intended.

There are several reasons why these unions are more like minefields than normal marriage and since common folks – the ones with normal marriages – have a difficult time getting marriage right we shouldn’t be surprised or overly critical when celebrity marriages wobble.

If we can turn off the judgment for a little while, we might learn something from their experience that can help the rest avoid marriage-divorce mishaps. We might even learn to be a bit more forgiving. [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – Celebrity Breakups

Filed Under: Divorce, Family, Marriage

This Week In Divorce – India Still Requires Fault

September 8, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Declaring fault is malicious even if it isn't slander.

Incompatibility
Does Not Suggest
Fault

The Hindu reported that Politician Omar Abdullah’s divorce plea from his estranged wife, Payal Abdullah, was denied in court on 30 August 2016.

The circumstances behind the plea and the courts response were interesting.

Omar’s claims paint an ugly picture:

  • Married 1 September 1994
  • Conjugal relations ceased after 2007
  • Lived separately since 2009
  • Accused wife of cruelty, desertion and unreasonable conduct

The couple has two sons living with the mother.

The judge ruled that Omar had failed to prove irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.

I’m neither a judge nor a lawyer but this ruling raises several questions about the wisdom of requiring fault in the case of divorce: [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – India Still Requires Fault

Filed Under: Divorce, Family, Marriage

This Week In Divorce – India’s Arranged Marriages

August 18, 2016 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Free-Choice and consequence are the seeds of a fertile life.

Engagement And Marriage
Represent One Of The Most
Emotionally Charged Periods
In Family Life

I’m not an expert on Indian marriage but Utpal Dholakia, native to India but resident in the USA for more than twenty years, can speak with authority on the subject and has.

His recent post on Psychology Today (Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful? 24Nov2015) poses a very interesting question and implies, without actually saying it, that arranged marriage – the method of choice in India – may have the answer to today’s divorce dilemmas.

Although he clearly states he is NOT suggesting arranged is a better option than free-choice, it is definitely implied. The spirit of the article seems to contradict his disclaimer.

It’s an interesting theory, but I’m not convinced. His arguments start out weakly and get worse.

Tees For Everyone

Before I say more, please understand that I am not talking about Indians in general. I’m not even bashing India. As Utpal points out, India is modernizing at an incredible rate on many levels and that is to be applauded.

I’m also not poking at Utpal, although his article did provoke this response.

I’m questioning the wisdom of endorsing an approach to love and marriage that has a long history of abuse and control. I think we should modernize the perspective a bit.

So, to my response. [Read more…] about This Week In Divorce – India’s Arranged Marriages

Filed Under: Divorce, Family, Marriage

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