Marriage Is Not A Crutch
Partners Are Not Cripples
The famous line, “you complete me,” was said by Tom Cruise (Jerry Maguire) to Renée Zellweger (Dorothy Boyd) in the movie Jerry Maguire. The line stands out as one of the more memorable moments in a movie full of great philosophical content and unforgettable quotes.
It’s an idea we all get. It encapsulates a universal fact: no person stands alone. Anything you can do as one is made better by the addition of a soul mate – a person you admire, respect, love and are comfortable to partner with. Someone who completes you.
We usually refer to this second person as “better-HALF” because without them, as Tom said, we aren’t whole. The two reflect well on each other and when they find each other they embrace.
But there is a caveat. The value of what they are together is increased or decreased by what they are as individuals.
Let me explain.
Marriage Is Multiplication Not Addition But . . .
When two people marry, the outcome of their partnership – what they can accomplish together – is greater than the sum of the parts. It’s multiplication not addition. We understand that.
What we don’t readily see is that the outcome is still based on the value of each part. The Bride’s or Groom’s individual value doesn’t change at the wedding. A person can only add what they are to the marriage. Saying “I do” will not magically smelt gold ore into gold ingots.
What that means is this. Marrying too early, before personal development occurs, reduces the potential outcome.
Let’s put it in mathematical terms. If the groom has developed to the value of 4 and the bride to the value of 5 and marriage is multiplication, one multiplies the value of the other, the product is 20. They’ve combined their efforts and increased the output but their individual values haven’t changed.
Warning: If a person develops little before the wedding it is likely not to happen after. In that case married partners become crutches and non-developing mates lean and lounge.
So, to say it again. What a couple is as a pair is determined by what each one is as an individual. A few observations: [Read more…]