God Intended Your Kids
To Have A Life
Not Be Yours

The best way to approach parenting is to begin with the end in view. What kind of people do you want you kids to be? What will the parenting process look like? And more importantly what development stages should you anticipate?

The stages are important. They represent transitions. Some of these transitions, like puberty, are naturally occurring. Kids reach puberty with or without parents. Parents can help kids understand what is happening but they can’t make puberty happen or block it.

Some transitions, however, require parental involvement. All transitions can be tricky but those superintended by parents entirely are the ones we must prepare for most. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: First of 4R’s – Release

Material Provision Is Inconsequential
It Can Be Destructive

I know you’ve heard it. The parent who groans in response to a wayward child, “I provided my child a roof over their head, a shirt on their back, a good school to attend and food to eat and this is how they repay me.”

This is usually a statement of defense, not grief. Wayward children reflect badly on parents. What better way to defend the failure than to point to all the material things provided as if providing materially is all one can or need do to raise happy, healthy, reliable kids.

It’s a way of shifting blame.

The fact is, parents do provide all those things for kids and many times kids aren’t grateful. Instead, they learn to expect more and then become demanding. They don’t want just a shirt. They want a particular style and specific brand.

Since they aren’t beggars, they assume the role of choosers.

This scenario could describe many first world economies, the ones that provide everything a person’s heart could desire. The parents are the conduits through which all material things are made available. The children do all the receiving and the one-way nature of the relationship changes little over time. The parents keep doling out. The kids keep consuming.

There is a reason this becomes chronic. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Material Provision Not Enough

Parents Guide Children
They Neither Design Them
Nor Own Them

When writing about parenting, it isn’t overstepping to assume that every parent wants the best for their children and plans to do everything in their power to make sure their kids have the best chance in life.

Any other attitude is the exception. Most new parents really care. You can see it in their faces. You can hear in their voices.

But the “Caring” thing makes us a bit vulnerable. It sets us and the kids up for a big fail. There are several mistakes induced by misplaced caring.

Mistake: Entertaining The Wrong Expectations

Because we care, we expect our children to succeed. That isn’t wrong to do but it is easy to over cook the idea.

We visualize their future. We even give the image detail: not just a doctor, we imagine, but the best doctor. A world class “whatever.”

Not very realistic. Only one person at a time can be the best at anything so expecting this for your child puts a lot of pressure on him or her and you.

Wanting to be the best parent possible is a valid aspiration. Expecting your child to be the absolute best at the particular occupation you choose is nothing but pure unwarranted presumption.

Even if this expectation was rational, it’s a mistake to think any parent could guarantee it. [Read more…] about Good Parenting: Five Mistakes Parents Make