Child raising Archives - NowTHINK!AboutIt

Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Resilience

August 28, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Your Tone Of Voice
Says It All

The following sentiment has become the mantra for all good parenting and every interested parent has made this statement, or something like it, in the process of raising their kids:

I want my children to have a better life than I had.

And one of the ways parents help their children attain a better life is to help them avoid all the mistakes they made themselves. They assume that “mistake free” is equivalent to better. On the surface it sounds smart. Inwardly it feels good.

The reality, however, is that children managed by this rule are not better off. Instead of being better at life they are emotionally inhibited, stunted, crippled or lacking sensibility. Which means guarding them against disheartening moments might do more harm than good. Like many responses to charitable needs, the protective approach to parenting is a short term, knee jerk response which creates long term damage.

We feel better after force-guiding our children around every tripping point but does this make them better at managing life or just more managed? Over-navigating a child’s life might save them from some immediate “toe stubbing” but can it encourage them to develop the watchfulness and maneuverability to avoid future crashes or manage them well if they can’t?

The truth is, the one thing children will not always have is a watchful parent warning them and steering them away from every life sapping experience. And the one lesson every child needs to learn is how to accept and manage their mistakes well.

Parents earned their wisdom through hard knocks. It made them stronger and smarter and they shouldn’t rob their children of the same opportunity. Second hand wisdom isn’t easy to swallow and every wise person knows that… [Read more…] about Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Resilience

Young Children And TV Don’t Mix – John Rosemond

July 19, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Chapter Review – Television, Computers and Video Games

John definitely saves the best for last in The New Six Point Plan For Raising Happy, Healthy Children.

This final chapter is mostly about TV and John forthrightly says what most people already know but are afraid to admit.

…Watching television inhibits the development of initiative, curiosity, resourcefulness, creativity, motivation, imagination, reasoning and problem-solving abilities, communication skills, social skills, fine and gross motor skills, and eye-hand coordination.

And after saying this he implies other detriments could be named also.

Not a nice picture. No pun intended.

Even though John’s advice does not run parallel with the opinions of his peers he doesn’t shy away from saying what parents need to hear. No hinting or beating around the bush. He knows and readily admits that his advice runs counter to modern ideas about raising kids but while everyone stammers he speaks out.

In spite of his academic achievements, however, what he advises, he learned and proved in the laboratory of family life as a child, a parent and a counselor.

So his advice is qualified by many levels of experience and academic studies.

In this last chapter John focuses on the problems TV causes, particularly in the life of developing preschoolers, and he draws from his own experience to make his point.

His son, Eric, was failing the third grade and as it turned out television was a major contributor to the problem.

Eric was struggling to complete in-class assignments and John and his wife, Willie, were exhausted with pushing and prodding him to finish the tasks at home. The stalemate was broken when Eric’s teacher informed them – only halfway through the year – that Eric would not be promoted to fourth grade.

Up to that point, John had faithfully applied the popular principles of psychology for raising children. Following that meeting, however, things changed.

John’s wife, Willie, had a heart-to-heart with John about changing their parenting ways. They both agreed that they hadn’t turned out badly so maybe their parents weren’t that wrong after all. Together, they devised a new approach which John describes as:

A benevolent dictatorship, the antithesis of the parenting that was popular at the time. We began telling Eric and Amy what we wanted them to do instead of asking, pleading, bargaining, bribing, reasoning, and explaining – i.e., wishing. We embraced a zero-tolerance policy concerning disobedience. If one of them disobeyed, we punished instead of talked.

And probably the most dramatic change they made was the suspension of TV viewing. They didn’t just stop watching TV, they gave theirs away.

The end result was nothing short of remarkable. In John’s words: [Read more…] about Young Children And TV Don’t Mix – John Rosemond

“Toys And Play” by John Rosemond

July 10, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Chapter Review
“Toys And Play”

Parents have been duped into thinking that giving their children “things,” otherwise known as toys, along with little or no responsibility is the right parenting approach to take.

But in The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, John Rosemond challenges this thinking in the chapter on “Toys and Play” and what he says may surprise you.

John tells the story of a couple who, after secretly watching their child play with a large marking pen, morphing it into a rocket ship, an alien and a ray gun in just a matter of minutes, decided to buy him a replica of a space shuttle for Christmas.

In their minds that was the perfect toy.

Toys Should Stimulate

However, three weeks after getting this marvelous toy he was bored.

It had every bell and whistle. All the design features were visible but it was an untouchable. The joy of playing with it was diminished by the fear of breaking it. This toy like many others is more ornamental than practical. No functionality.

Its limited functionality meant it could command only a very short interest span.

The only way an exact replica of a space shuttle can be anything other than an exact replica of a space shuttle is to break it. That could be said about an exact replica of anything.

And most kids are afraid to break these toys, not because they love them so much but because the parents do. They cost a bundle so any breakage draws immediate disapproval. Like exhibits in a museum, they’re nice to look at but impossible to embrace.

For these reasons John suggests that childhood, as it was intended to be, has come perilously close to an end. [Read more…] about “Toys And Play” by John Rosemond

“Roots of Responsibility” by John Rosemond

July 1, 2011 by EnnisP 1 Comment

Chapter Review – “Roots of Responsibility”

In The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, John Rosemond recommends a no-nonsense approach to teaching children responsibility. Quoting the famous God Father he says, “you must give them a deal they can’t refuse.”

In his approach to good parenting John recommends:

Chores

John suggests that one of the best ways to mold children into responsible individuals is to give them age appropriate chores and he suggests five practical outcomes to prove his point: [Read more…] about “Roots of Responsibility” by John Rosemond

Parental “Voice of Authority” – John Rosemond

June 20, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Chapter Review – “Voice of Authority”

Concerning authority John Rosemond takes a very balanced and practical approach to a sticky topic, obedience, and he says plainly:

“Be not deceived children show respect for parents by obeying them. Parents show respect for children by expecting them to obey.”

The object of parental authority, of course, is not to take control of a child’s life. The eventual aim is to enable him or her to live independently of ours but they will develop the skill to do that only if parents gently but firmly limit their choices long enough for them to develop a sense and taste for good habits.

But, you must remember that, first and foremost, children are human beings and humans are by nature:

Rebellious and
Flawed

The Bible actually teaches that all of us have a “sin” nature.

“All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

Not some of us. Not the worst of us and not just those who reach a certain age.

Even our children, as precious, sweet and cute as they are, have a sin nature so when it comes to authority they will resist. Some quietly, some loudly but all definitely.

Probably one of the most common ways they resist is by asking “why” when we make rules or give instruction.

Disclaimer: Asking “why” isn’t always motivated by rebellion. It is natural for children to want to learn and they certainly have a lot to learn but it would be presumptuous to assume that every “why” expresses only a sincere desire to learn the subtleties of life.

John says he has a two part rule governing how he responds to “why” questions:

One: Until a child is mature enough to understand a certain explanation, no amount of words will successfully convey that understanding.

In that case, it is in the child’s best interest for the parent to say “Because I said so” or words to that same effect.

Part Two: When a child is old enough to understand the explanation, he’s old enough to figure it out on his own.”

Part two of John’s answer actually touches on a truth that is often overlooked:

Wisdom is much easier to “see” than it is to apply.

Anyone can see that a well thought-out budget is the best way to protect yourself financially but the constant stream of bankrupted lives is proof that simple wisdom is easily trumped by materialistic desires.

But, aside from that, the truth is children don’t like to obey authority and adults don’t exercise it very well because both are rebellious and flawed. One needs to be under authority and the other needs to exercise it and neither are comfortable with that.

Both tend to get a bit emotional. Children feel repressed when authority figures curb their actions. Adults waste emotional energy feeling guilty for asserting their authority. Adults know they should do something but are uncertain about what to do and feel as if they are forcing the issue in some cases.

That is one reason John says the problem with obedience has less to do with the children and more to do with parents.

Parents who don’t want their child to “feel” bad are in trouble. The “right thing” to do in any given situation is not always the thing that “feels good.”

That is why parents must learn the art of exercising authority. Obedience is to be commanded not wished for. Therefore, a good understanding of “Command Authority” is needed. [Read more…] about Parental “Voice of Authority” – John Rosemond

Your Tone Of Voice Says It All