In The Five Love Languages Dr. Chapman departs from academic definitions of love, which are mostly intellectual and therefore cold, and discusses what he refers to as “emotional” love. This is the romantic kind often portrayed in novels and movies and rooted in our psychological makeup.
He also popularizes the concept of the “love tank” which, though unseen, every person has. The level to which this tank is filled determines how loved a person feels and this in turn produces in them a sense of significance, self-worth and security. Or not.
When the love tank is full, he says, your spouse “will move out to reach his highest potential in life.” When it is empty you will find yourself sleeping with the enemy.
This tank is filled when one partner loves his or her spouse in the right way, i.e., the way they want to be loved and love can be expressed in one of five different ways which he refers to as languages. Each person responds to only one of those languages primarily. The most important point of the book is…
A person can feel unloved even when their partner has good character and does many apparently loving things. They feel loved only when their spouse identifies their particular love language and learns to speak it well everyday.
Simply stated the five love languages are:
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
- Receiving Gifts
- Acts of Service
- Physical Touch
Dr. Chapman suggests that many failed or failing marriages could be revitalized if the couples would identify and learn to speak their mates love language. It almost sounds too good to be true but he backs up his claim with examples of couples he has coached through this learning process successfully.
Several of his clients refer to the effect as “miraculous” and from the descriptions, some of them seemed hopeless. [Read more…]