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Young Children And TV Don’t Mix – John Rosemond

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Chapter Review – Television, Computers and Video Games

John definitely saves the best for last in The New Six Point Plan For Raising Happy, Healthy Children.

This final chapter is mostly about TV and John forthrightly says what most people already know but are afraid to admit.

…Watching television inhibits the development of initiative, curiosity, resourcefulness, creativity, motivation, imagination, reasoning and problem-solving abilities, communication skills, social skills, fine and gross motor skills, and eye-hand coordination.

And after saying this he implies other detriments could be named also.

Not a nice picture. No pun intended.

Even though John’s advice does not run parallel with the opinions of his peers he doesn’t shy away from saying what parents need to hear. No hinting or beating around the bush. He knows and readily admits that his advice runs counter to modern ideas about raising kids but while everyone stammers he speaks out.

In spite of his academic achievements, however, what he advises, he learned and proved in the laboratory of family life as a child, a parent and a counselor.

So his advice is qualified by many levels of experience and academic studies.

In this last chapter John focuses on the problems TV causes, particularly in the life of developing preschoolers, and he draws from his own experience to make his point.

His son, Eric, was failing the third grade and as it turned out television was a major contributor to the problem.

Eric was struggling to complete in-class assignments and John and his wife, Willie, were exhausted with pushing and prodding him to finish the tasks at home. The stalemate was broken when Eric’s teacher informed them – only halfway through the year – that Eric would not be promoted to fourth grade.

Up to that point, John had faithfully applied the popular principles of psychology for raising children. Following that meeting, however, things changed.

John’s wife, Willie, had a heart-to-heart with John about changing their parenting ways. They both agreed that they hadn’t turned out badly so maybe their parents weren’t that wrong after all. Together, they devised a new approach which John describes as:

A benevolent dictatorship, the antithesis of the parenting that was popular at the time. We began telling Eric and Amy what we wanted them to do instead of asking, pleading, bargaining, bribing, reasoning, and explaining – i.e., wishing. We embraced a zero-tolerance policy concerning disobedience. If one of them disobeyed, we punished instead of talked.

And probably the most dramatic change they made was the suspension of TV viewing. They didn’t just stop watching TV, they gave theirs away.

The end result was nothing short of remarkable. In John’s words: [Read more…] about Young Children And TV Don’t Mix – John Rosemond

“Toys And Play” by John Rosemond

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Don't buy toys you can't afford your kids to break.

Chapter Review
“Toys And Play”

Parents have been duped into thinking that giving their children “things,” otherwise known as toys, along with little or no responsibility is the right parenting approach to take.

But in The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, John Rosemond challenges this thinking in the chapter on “Toys and Play” and what he says may surprise you.

John tells the story of a couple who, after secretly watching their child play with a large marking pen, morphing it into a rocket ship, an alien and a ray gun in just a matter of minutes, decided to buy him a replica of a space shuttle for Christmas.

In their minds that was the perfect toy.

Toys Should Stimulate

However, three weeks after getting this marvelous toy he was bored.

It had every bell and whistle. All the design features were visible but it was an untouchable. The joy of playing with it was diminished by the fear of breaking it. This toy like many others is more ornamental than practical. No functionality.

Its limited functionality meant it could command only a very short interest span.

The only way an exact replica of a space shuttle can be anything other than an exact replica of a space shuttle is to break it. That could be said about an exact replica of anything.

And most kids are afraid to break these toys, not because they love them so much but because the parents do. They cost a bundle so any breakage draws immediate disapproval. Like exhibits in a museum, they’re nice to look at but impossible to embrace.

For these reasons John suggests that childhood, as it was intended to be, has come perilously close to an end. [Read more…] about “Toys And Play” by John Rosemond

“Frustrate Your Children” John Rosemond

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Chapter Review “The Fruits of Frustration”

Ever since the middle of the 20th century experts have been suggesting that frustration is bad for kids. But in The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children Johh Rosemond correctly observes that:

  • Frustration is a normal and accepted reality of adult life.
  • Frustration forces the growth of qualities such as resourcefulness.
  • Frustration is managed best by perseverance, the most appealing, endearing and inspiring element of every success story.

Because frustration is the gateway, not the barrier, to these great qualities and cannot be avoided anyway, John says

Parents are “obligated” to frustrate their children.

And that frustration is best provoked through the use of what he calls “vitamin N,” the “no” word!

A good definition of frustration might be:

Wanting things you cannot easily or readily obtain, things that require patience to reach and knowledge you don’t already have. It is frustrating to wait for something you would like to have now. It is also frustrating to work toward a goal but finding yourself moving in a completely different direction or making progress so slowly it feels like you are going nowhere. But this is common to us all.

To illustrate his point, John encourages adults to unabashedly write out a list of everything they would like to have or experience in the next five years, leaving nothing out. Not just things you can afford or have the ability to obtain but things that appeal to your fancy whether you could afford them or not, qualified or not.

Reflecting on the list afterwards reveals that only 10 to 20 percent would be realistically reachable, unless a participant doesn’t want much.

That, however, is exactly how children make their list of “wants” but in their case 75% of the list is probably going to be realized due to the generosity of parents, grandparents, other extended family members and friends.

The point? A child’s desire is not frustrated often and that leaves them very unprepared for real life as adults. [Read more…] about “Frustrate Your Children” John Rosemond

Parental “Voice of Authority” – John Rosemond

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Chapter Review – “Voice of Authority”

Concerning authority John Rosemond takes a very balanced and practical approach to a sticky topic, obedience, and he says plainly:

“Be not deceived children show respect for parents by obeying them. Parents show respect for children by expecting them to obey.”

The object of parental authority, of course, is not to take control of a child’s life. The eventual aim is to enable him or her to live independently of ours but they will develop the skill to do that only if parents gently but firmly limit their choices long enough for them to develop a sense and taste for good habits.

But, you must remember that, first and foremost, children are human beings and humans are by nature:

  • Rebellious and
  • Flawed

The Bible actually teaches that all of us have a “sin” nature.

“All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

Not some of us. Not the worst of us and not just those who reach a certain age.

Even our children, as precious, sweet and cute as they are, have a sin nature so when it comes to authority they will resist. Some quietly, some loudly but all definitely.

Probably one of the most common ways they resist is by asking “why” when we make rules or give instruction.

Disclaimer: Asking “why” isn’t always motivated by rebellion. It is natural for children to want to learn and they certainly have a lot to learn but it would be presumptuous to assume that every “why” expresses only a sincere desire to learn the subtleties of life.

John says he has a two part rule governing how he responds to “why” questions:

One: Until a child is mature enough to understand a certain explanation, no amount of words will successfully convey that understanding.

In that case, it is in the child’s best interest for the parent to say “Because I said so” or words to that same effect.

Part Two: When a child is old enough to understand the explanation, he’s old enough to figure it out on his own.”

Part two of John’s answer actually touches on a truth that is often overlooked:

Wisdom is much easier to “see” than it is to apply.

Anyone can see that a well thought-out budget is the best way to protect yourself financially but the constant stream of bankrupted lives is proof that simple wisdom is easily trumped by materialistic desires.

But, aside from that, the truth is children don’t like to obey authority and adults don’t exercise it very well because both are rebellious and flawed. One needs to be under authority and the other needs to exercise it and neither are comfortable with that.

Both tend to get a bit emotional. Children feel repressed when authority figures curb their actions. Adults waste emotional energy feeling guilty for asserting their authority. Adults know they should do something but are uncertain about what to do and feel as if they are forcing the issue in some cases.

That is one reason John says the problem with obedience has less to do with the children and more to do with parents.

Parents who don’t want their child to “feel” bad are in trouble. The “right thing” to do in any given situation is not always the thing that “feels good.”

That is why parents must learn the art of exercising authority. Obedience is to be commanded not wished for. Therefore, a good understanding of “Command Authority” is needed. [Read more…] about Parental “Voice of Authority” – John Rosemond

The New Six Point Plan For Raising Children by John Rosemond

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A good parent is at least a thoughtful parent.

Clearly Written, Argued Philosophically
And Substantiated By Science

The New Six-Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy Children, is an updated and expanded version of John Rosemond’s classic text on raising children.

Although John is a qualified psychologist who specializes in working with parents, children and families, much of his insight comes from raising his own children, Eric and Amy. Though his ideas are not fashionable, they aren’t new and he argues his points powerfully and illustrates them generously with anecdotal material from his experiences as a parent and a psychologist. You won’t find a more thoughtful and clear presentation of practical ideas for raising children.

He introduces the book with strong arguments for changing the way we approach parenting and then suggests six basic ideas to relieve parenting pressure and help each of us be more effective:

  • His forward, Read This First, argues that “the ultimate purpose of parenting is to help children out of our lives.” That idea alone is worth its weight in gold but is usually hidden behind all sorts of other sentimental child raising ideas and rarely gets a mention.
  • The Parent-Centered Family in which he argues that constantly lavishing attention on our children is like giving them far too much food.
  • The Voice of Authority suggests that children can and should obey their parents and he makes it clear that “asserting authority” does not qualify as “abuse.”
  • The Roots of Responsibility suggests that children only learn from their failures – which are inevitable – if parents don’t protect them from the consequences.
  • The Fruits of Frustration makes it clear that it is OK to say “no” to our children instead of meeting their every whim. Frustration is a normal part of every life and leads to desirable outcomes when managed well.
  • Toys and Play points out that an overabundance of toys often leads to “boredom” in our young. “Play” should be the outcome of imagination. It comes from the inside and is not induced by external input.
  • Television and Children argues that the amount of time a child watches TV – excessive according to surveys – is just as damaging as the themes we try to avoid.

Every chapter ends with a series of questions related to the chapter theme and answered by John. The book also has a closing and ends with Rosemond’s Bill of Rights for Children.

The book is clearly written, well argued philosophically, substantiated by science and includes plain old practical everyday wisdom which many psychologists have buried beneath new age ideas and clouded with semantics.

If you care about your kids, and what parent doesn’t, read this book. You might not agree with everything John says but you will have to work hard to prove him wrong. The book will challenge your perspective even if it doesn’t change it.

As always, you can get it inexpensively through Amazon.

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