wisdom Archives - NowTHINK!AboutIt

Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Resilience

August 28, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Your Tone Of Voice
Says It All

The following sentiment has become the mantra for all good parenting and every interested parent has made this statement, or something like it, in the process of raising their kids:

I want my children to have a better life than I had.

And one of the ways parents help their children attain a better life is to help them avoid all the mistakes they made themselves. They assume that “mistake free” is equivalent to better. On the surface it sounds smart. Inwardly it feels good.

The reality, however, is that children managed by this rule are not better off. Instead of being better at life they are emotionally inhibited, stunted, crippled or lacking sensibility. Which means guarding them against disheartening moments might do more harm than good. Like many responses to charitable needs, the protective approach to parenting is a short term, knee jerk response which creates long term damage.

We feel better after force-guiding our children around every tripping point but does this make them better at managing life or just more managed? Over-navigating a child’s life might save them from some immediate “toe stubbing” but can it encourage them to develop the watchfulness and maneuverability to avoid future crashes or manage them well if they can’t?

The truth is, the one thing children will not always have is a watchful parent warning them and steering them away from every life sapping experience. And the one lesson every child needs to learn is how to accept and manage their mistakes well.

Parents earned their wisdom through hard knocks. It made them stronger and smarter and they shouldn’t rob their children of the same opportunity. Second hand wisdom isn’t easy to swallow and every wise person knows that… [Read more…] about Nurture Your Child’s Emotional Resilience

Parental “Voice of Authority” – John Rosemond

June 20, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

Chapter Review – “Voice of Authority”

Concerning authority John Rosemond takes a very balanced and practical approach to a sticky topic, obedience, and he says plainly:

“Be not deceived children show respect for parents by obeying them. Parents show respect for children by expecting them to obey.”

The object of parental authority, of course, is not to take control of a child’s life. The eventual aim is to enable him or her to live independently of ours but they will develop the skill to do that only if parents gently but firmly limit their choices long enough for them to develop a sense and taste for good habits.

But, you must remember that, first and foremost, children are human beings and humans are by nature:

Rebellious and
Flawed

The Bible actually teaches that all of us have a “sin” nature.

“All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23

Not some of us. Not the worst of us and not just those who reach a certain age.

Even our children, as precious, sweet and cute as they are, have a sin nature so when it comes to authority they will resist. Some quietly, some loudly but all definitely.

Probably one of the most common ways they resist is by asking “why” when we make rules or give instruction.

Disclaimer: Asking “why” isn’t always motivated by rebellion. It is natural for children to want to learn and they certainly have a lot to learn but it would be presumptuous to assume that every “why” expresses only a sincere desire to learn the subtleties of life.

John says he has a two part rule governing how he responds to “why” questions:

One: Until a child is mature enough to understand a certain explanation, no amount of words will successfully convey that understanding.

In that case, it is in the child’s best interest for the parent to say “Because I said so” or words to that same effect.

Part Two: When a child is old enough to understand the explanation, he’s old enough to figure it out on his own.”

Part two of John’s answer actually touches on a truth that is often overlooked:

Wisdom is much easier to “see” than it is to apply.

Anyone can see that a well thought-out budget is the best way to protect yourself financially but the constant stream of bankrupted lives is proof that simple wisdom is easily trumped by materialistic desires.

But, aside from that, the truth is children don’t like to obey authority and adults don’t exercise it very well because both are rebellious and flawed. One needs to be under authority and the other needs to exercise it and neither are comfortable with that.

Both tend to get a bit emotional. Children feel repressed when authority figures curb their actions. Adults waste emotional energy feeling guilty for asserting their authority. Adults know they should do something but are uncertain about what to do and feel as if they are forcing the issue in some cases.

That is one reason John says the problem with obedience has less to do with the children and more to do with parents.

Parents who don’t want their child to “feel” bad are in trouble. The “right thing” to do in any given situation is not always the thing that “feels good.”

That is why parents must learn the art of exercising authority. Obedience is to be commanded not wished for. Therefore, a good understanding of “Command Authority” is needed. [Read more…] about Parental “Voice of Authority” – John Rosemond

“The Final Summit” by Andy Andrews

May 15, 2011 by EnnisP Leave a Comment

In The Final Summit Andy Andrews gives very clear and practical instructions for saving humanity one person at a time.

Although fictional, he draws lessons from the real-life experiences of many well-known leaders from the past. He even sprinkles in anecdotes from a few that aren’t so well known. Andy takes more of a “how-it-was-done” approach to solving life’s problems rather than just give us another missive on what modern experts say.

The book is practical, philosophical, theological, and historical.

The storyline focuses on a final summit at which the main character of the book, David Ponder, along with many great leaders from the past – all dead but in heaven – will confer in finding the two word answer to one significant question:

What should humanity do, individually and collectively, in order to restore itself to the pathway toward successful civilization?

Obviously, the question assumes humanity has strayed from the path and they are close to doom. The answer provides practical advice for getting realigned.

There was one very interesting and practical tidbit that didn’t directly apply to the question but is useful nonetheless. Andy gleans insights from two leaders, Winston Churchill, and Abraham Lincoln, on how to handle depression. Very relevant for people today.

Philosophically the book explores ideas such as hope, wisdom, courage, self-discipline, and character all of which are obvious choices for the answer but none of which are exactly right. Although none are THE answer all of them are illustrated clearly in the discussion.

Andy plays a little with theology, humanizing the historical figures who attended the summit. Winston Churchill smokes his cigars, several attendees show signs of age and they freely express their anger and frustration. These touches are useful because it makes the story a bit more relateable to earthlings, the ones for whom the book was written. [Read more…] about “The Final Summit” by Andy Andrews