Love Is Spoken
In Many Different
The need for love is common to us all, but it isn’t the same for everyone.
We all need love in some way, and each person loves in his or her own way, but just getting on with it, without thought, may not be the best approach.
People who are loved don’t usually overdose on self-loathing but according to Glamour.Com, 97% of women find their bodies disgusting everyday. Either they aren’t being loved at all, which I doubt, or the love they’re getting is lost in translation.
A part of the problem may the human tendency to take the simple approach. Treat everyone the same. No thinking is required. No special effort is made. We just do for each person what we always do. And it’s usually what we’d like done in return.
If you’re a thinking person you realize that that approach is an insult to individuality. There is a difference between taking someone out for a movie and going to a movie, dragging them along with you.
It’s now common knowledge that every person’s receptors pick up love signals in different ways. We have Gary Chapman to thank for that. His book, The 5 Love Languages, makes the argument well.
Gary isolated five different ways in which love is conveyed successfully from one person to another. It makes sense. Even though all people need love, they are each very different. No two people are exactly alike.
One wife may thrive on gifts of flowers. Another may prefer “Roses Are Red” poems ending with something like “You’re Smashingly Beautiful!”
When you think about it carefully you realize that even Gary’s observations, though hitting a nerve (his book was a #1 Best Seller), may be a little simplistic. One lady said she’s a combination of several of the love languages. She couldn’t be pinned down, which means her husband has a mystery to solve. Eagerly embracing the challenge may be the language she hears best.
The bottom line is this.
Love’s Effect Is Always The Same But The Language Needed To Convey It Can Be Very Complex
The love one person has for another may be very real, but selling it may not be so easy.
One author compiled 101 romantic ideas in a free PDF. Not ten or twenty but 101, which suggests there is nothing monotonous about the language of love. And that’s just the start! I imagine the list could be endless, making the language of love more complex than Chinese, Japanese, Spanish and English all wrapped into one.
Compounding the problem is the fact that the language one partner responds to may not be a language the other partner speaks so well.
One feels loved receiving gifts. The other might be a dunce at gift giving, which creates a lot of static in the love channel. They might both have to learn a new dialect to get the syntax right.
Adding to the complexity is the fact that husbands and wives aren’t the only people needing, giving and receiving love. There’s also colleagues, neighbors, friends, family and so on. Many different languages to learn.
Here’s the point. Loving and being loved are learning processes. It’s something to work at, and will probably require a bit of trial and error.
Don’t let apparent miscommunication sour things. It is the evidence of love. You’re at least trying to get through.
Only giving up is failure. Keep talking.